NOTE TO SETH FROM ALEX

First of all, Seth, let me say that I love you. Don’t worry, I know how much you hate it when I say that (which is why I do; you do know me, don’t you?). And I know you’ll hate me even more when you see this, but I have to tell it—I can’t keep everything inside me anymore with the tale running cold in my veins. You don’t want me to, I know (despite all my reassurances that no one cares), but it’s really not your say.

So, pardon me from being blunt and cruel, but this is for your own good. And mine, hopefully.


Seth sat on the dull metal bleachers, his trigonometry book open on his lap, his brows furrowed as his eyes tried to suck the equations into his brain. Not that it worked. The sun beat down upon his blonde hair and pale neck, making him feel like his head was overheating from the strain. Sighing, he snapped the book shut and pulled a pen from behind his ear, sucking contemplatively on the point.

It was always at this time that Alex found him, much to Seth’s annoyance.

“If that pen explodes, I’m going to laugh my ass off.” With a nonchalant swagger of a young man who cares not one iota of what the world thinks of him, Alex sat down beside Seth on the bleachers, snatching the pen from his mouth.

“Disgusting habit!”

Seth groaned, resting his head in his hands. “That pen was instrumental to my thought process.”

“It was also instrumental to your having a mouth full of black crap and my having to explain to Mrs. Cullings, ‘Seth’s pen exploded in his mouth.’ I always feel like an idiot, when it’s you who should be feeling that way.”

“Oh thank you, Alex, what a true friend you are.”

Alex laughed impishly, the eternally amused, his blue eyes lighting up. With a slight flourish of his hand, he placed the pen in the brim of his green felt hat.

“What’s with the head ornament?” Seth said over his shoulder as he leaned over to close his backpack.

“To annoy you,” Alex replied dryly.

“Thanks.” Seth picked up his pack, slinging it over his shoulder. “Okay, what do we have first?”

“Physics! We’ve been in school for over a month!” Alex gasped in mock horror, making him look as if he were performing on an old Hollywood movie set, his hat tilted coquettishly upon his head.  

“You’re such a freak this morning.” Seth rolled his eyes, punching him lightly in the arm. “What’s up?”

“Uh…hmm.” Alex rubbed his chin, his black brows knitted in consternation. “If I told you something, you wouldn’t freak out, right?”

“No, I don’t think so. What is it, did you get a girlfriend or something?”

“He he, not really,” Alex laughed nervously, making Seth’s eyes widen.

He’s gonna say what I think he’s gonna say, isn’t he? Oh fuck!

“Okay.” Alex took a deep breath, letting his shoulder length black hair fall over his eyes. “I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while, Seth…you’re my best friend, and I feel bad keeping this from you. I…I’m gay.”

Seth’s jaw dropped, a faint cry of dismay gurgling in his throat, his green eyes large and accusing. Alex looked down at the ground, kicking the dust with his boots.

“It’s not like I’ve changed.” He paused for a second, as if to find the right words in the air.

“You seriously had no idea?”

“Well…yeah, but I just thought you were…flamboyant!”

“Oh my God.” Alex broke out laughing. “Are you kidding me? What about the time when—”

“Shh! Shh!” Seth hissed, looking wildly around. “People will hear you!”

Alex looked nonplussed, his face a blank stare of incredulity. “So?”

“So?! The guys at school, they’ll kill you!”

“Well, guess I’ll have to get rid of this, then.” And with a completely straight face, Alex pulled a rainbow scarf from his sleeve and draped it over Seth’s head.

“There. Now we can be rainbow brothers.”

“Ah, Jesus Christ!” Seth snatched the rainbow scarf from his head and threw it at Alex’s face. “Do you have a death wish?!”

Alex caught the scarf gracefully in his hand and stuffed it back down his right coat sleeve. “Seth, I’m Alex, okay? I’m gonna be myself, because if I don’t I’ll kill myself. What people say about me I don’t give one shit about.”

“Yeah, well, what about me?” Seth raised his eyebrows, nodding his head at the school, where students were making their way to class in large herds filled with giggling, screams, and muttered curses.

Alex snorted. “Are you worried about them thinking that you’re my boyfriend?”

“Well, yeah! It’s a realistic accusation they’ll make!”

“Seth, I am going to be blunt with you; you don’t mind, do you?”

“Um, I guess not,” Seth said nervously.

“Okay, what I’m going to say might be harsh, but there it is; you’re not my type, I am not attracted to you, and I just want us to be friends. Alright?”

“Fine...but why am I not your type?”

Alex smacked Seth with his hat. “I thought you’d be happy about that!”

“Sure, I guess. What is you’re type, then?”

“I suppose...” Alex stared intently into the air in front of him, waving his right hand through the air. “Tall.”

“Tall?”

“Yeah. And with crazy hair, and they’d have to be really smart, and piercings wouldn’t hurt either.” Alex gave an evil grin.

Seth gave him a sidelong glance through skittish eyes. “Okay. Forget I asked.”

“Hey man, do you know how many times I’ve had to listen to you drool over girls?”

“Yeah, okay—just don’t talk about it anymore.”

Seth, with a mental tail between his legs, walked across the field to homeroom. Alex stood still, staring after the retreating figure of his friend.

“Damn it,” he whispered. “I’m an idiot for telling him. He’s totally freaking out.” Sighing, Alex made his way to the double doors to the school, shoving his hat down over his eyes.

Today was going to be very long, and very strange.

*     *     *